Jokes

Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began.

"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?

He replied, "It's running down my leg."

A little girl and her mother are at chuch when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.

When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.

"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

A: "Dam."

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

You wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy fell in a mud puddle.

You wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath.

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"

Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:

"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.

Teacher:John, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

John: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don’t have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "God is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he’s out there?"

"Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "God? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?"